The previous entry centred on the preparation of performance appraisals. And now the date of the talk is near at hand.

How can the talk end in enrichment for both sides?

Your employees should come to the performance appraisal neither like to a slaughtering block – nor like to a free and easy chat or to an irrelevant formality. Create a casual entry. And then, straight away, focus on the issue. You have, beforehand, thought about the topics you would want to talk about, have perhaps taken a few notes. Stick to them.

Phases of the feedback-talk

Whether the big yearly or the feedback talk in between – these two kind of talks mostly develop quite organically.

Review, analysis, feedback – depending on the talk-structure topically limited or more comprising. If there are any problems or any criticism, they should be placed in this talk phase.
Prospects – aims of the near future, compiled solutions and targets which result from the feedback.

In the annual talk you mostly again have in view the further perspectives for your employees.

The feedback-burger: proper „packaging“ of critical feedback

Giving proper feedback – we once had this topic here some time ago. Catchwords „Describing your own perceptions“ and „Doing without generalisations“. You absolutely ought to make use of these strategies in performance appraisals, so that your feedback can reach the addressee.

Serve the so-called feedback-burger:

1. Find a positive access door with reference to the topic. This should not be difficult with employees you are basically satisfied with – and your employees deserve to hear the positive aspects.
2. Then utter your point(s) for further development. In a concrete form, please, and according to tendency rather limited to one point. Do not offload everything that ever annoyed you about your employee at one go.
3. Create a positive, optimistic ending.

Positive – critical – positive. Like the grill meat loaf slice with crispbread salad between two breezy roll-halves …

Finishing the talk off with a good end

An acute occasion demands a critical feedback talk, and you rack your brain to find a positive starting point. But sometimes there just is none. Do what your job demands of you, use factual, plain language.

What, on the other hand, every performance appraisal really needs is a good ending in a friendly atmosphere. Even if it is only a „I am sure we will manage it“.

It is not only on the occasion of the annual talk that a formulated written text can give the talk an obligatory and structured conclusion. No matter whether you record in writing the essential items and the results or just take them down as an informal notice in a minute book: hand your employee a copy over. As a reminder – and as a gesture of inspiring confidence.

The next entry will again throw a concrete light on the review conversation.

Why do conflicts escalate?

In my work with executives I often realize in conversations that there were definitely first warning signals for the specific conflict in previous times. But these could not correctly be evaluated or were ignored.

But it is especially these early warning signals that offer the chance to address conflicts openly and to solve them, before they have developed into a conflagration. I encourage executives to keep an eye on possible warning signals in their initial stage. Keep an especially watchful eye on typical signs such as:

1. aggression: Has one of your employees recently reacted aggressively on what you or another team member said?
2. lack of interest: Does a previously engaged employee recently appear rather uninterested?
3. resistance: Have you got the feeling that an employee is permanently resistant?
4. stubbornness: Does an employee who was generally accessible suddenly stubbornly insist on his views?
5. avoidance: Does an employee lately avoid the contact with you or another team member?
6. conformity: Have you got the feeling that an employee recently does not any longer express his own views and just “swims with the current”?
7. formality: does an employee lately do his work just according to instructions and quotes more often than usual existing rules and procedures?

Does one or the other symptom strike you as well-known? Have you even caught yourself falling into the above-mentioned patterns when you are dissatisfied with something? – Use this knowledge in order to be able to recognize and solve possible conflicts in your team at an early stage.

Solutions for conflicts in the team can only be found if the people concerned communicate constructively. In this case leading staff must often work as mediators.

Conflict management within the team – How can I address conflicts in a constructive manner?

The previous contributions centred on typical signs that enable you to recognize conflicts within the team even if nobody has “let you into the secret”, and on the mechanisms that may escalate unadressed conflicts.

Time for a clarifying talk

Whether you now – possibly without realizing it – play a role in these conflicts, or whether you are completely uninvolved: as leading staff it is your job to care for a productive climate within the team. Talks with the parties involved in the conflict are the order of the day.

In these talks you ought to address  the conflict in an open, calm and constructive manner – and not to walk all over your partner. That means: honestly taking your personal view, doing inquiries without interpretations, generalisations and assessments, leaving room for other angles of sight. And above all: Do not lose the common interest, i.e. the search for a solution, out of sight.

Just SAY IT!

Conflict-timid, or rapidly reaching 100 mph? There are five pieces of good advice for those who, in one way or another, have difficulties with communication in conflict cases: S-A-Y-I-T. This slip always lets you have the basic rules of clear, constructive communication at hand – every letter stands for one. Consider before the talk what you would like to communicate – and SAY IT!

S like Saying what you perceived (“I have noticed that you and Mr/Mrs XY hardly talk with each other …”)

A like describing Aftermath (“Your cooperation in project BC … suffers from  it.”)

Y like specifying Yearnings (“I feel responsible for productivity and work climate and that is why I do not feel well with the situation.”)

I like getting Information about the other one’s view of the situation (“What is your view?” – “How, do you think, does Mr/Mrs XY view the situation?)

T like Terminating conclusions (“I wish … And you? How can we improve the situation?)

After the separate talks there is usually still need for a talk with all the people involved. Here, too, all the people involved are on the best way with SAY IT to find a balance of interests and to create clear relations again.

The previous chapter was about the aim and object of performance appraisals: the time of the conversation is a chance for individual communication, appreciation and feedback away from project meetings and team conferences – without saying individually adapted to your and your employees‘ priorities and the concrete work situation. Some would perhaps wish to understand a certain decision better, others would like to discuss about their future career. And you (hopefully) have to impart important feedback to your employee.

The right setting for the meeting

For a performance appraisal you need an atmosphere of trust and calmness. If your employee feels “summoned“, he/she will adopt a defence attitude. Hectic attitude and diversion are detrimental.

• Announce the date at least one week ahead. So your partner has a chance to prepare himself/herself, too.
• Hold your meeting confidentially and in a neutral, quiet room – not in your office.
• Switch your mobile phone off.
• Have pen and paper ready. Be present.

What do you really want to say?

Take some time for the preparation of the conversation. Take stock: How do you assess the work and development of your employee? How is your cooperation coming off? How does communication work in everyday life? What role does your employee play in the team? What would you mark as positive, and where do you see points for further development?

And in which light do you see the closer future for your employee? Does he/she face special challenges or new tasks? Is there any need or wish for qualifying measures?

What aim would you want to work for? A confidential note can record planned work projects as well as agreements about concrete changes of behaviour. But: If the result is undisputable right from the start, the performance appraisal is pointless. Stay curious about what your conversation partner has to say.

Talking is important

The most important thing: do not treat the performance appraisal as an onerous formality. You and your employees do not have to perform that. The date, at least once a year, is, for both sides, a precious opportunity to communicate about fundamental principles. Moreover important: keep up (informal) talks also beyond those dates.

The next entry contains hints concerning a performance appraisal.

A whole series of articles on performance appraisals? Overdue for a long time. Some time ago I have already touched upon the topic in a blog contribution: employees as well as the executive can take an enormous profit out of regular talk times.

Part of the company culture

A company is more than just an assembly of people who just happen to work together under a common real or metaphorical roof. And an accidental assembly of people who really work together desperately need a consciously cultivated talk culture. And that does not only mean the casual conversation in the break or tittle-tattle in the corridor (although indeed the importance of this informal conversation for the productivity can hardly be overestimated), but it also means the talks that you in your position as an executive have with your employees.

Oh yes, leading employees …

A lot of executives have trouble with it – and correspondingly with carrying on performance appraisals. One type of executives sees himself as an equal part of the team rather than a boss. The other one feels better when faced with figures and project papers rather than during a one-on-one talk. Mate type and mastermind can equally be good bosses. Or equally less good ones. For the boss-employee-relationship differs from the one to a colleague or to a friend. And it is precisely in this specific boss-feature that you must be present in the lives of your employees so that you can achieve the best results with your team.

Communication, Appreciation, Feedback

The non-renounceable tool of the executive-employee-relationship is the talk with the employee. Without performance appraisals your employees may possibly feel to be not seen by you – and that certainly is anything but good motivation! Your employees want to know where their position is, they would like to declare themselves, they wish their efforts to be appreciated and they wish to advance through feedback. You owe your employees appreciation and feedback – which are, of course, also in your own interest and in the interest of the company.

Performance appraisals – taken seriously and carried out authentically – are for a company, no matter whether small or big, of inestimable value. The next blog entry is about the „When-Where-How“ book on etiquette for well-working performance appraisals.

Why do conflicts escalate?

But why does that happen? How do conflicts work? – Conflicts tend to develop dynamics of their own. The longer they seethe under the surface, the further the vicious circle of conflict escalation continues:

At the beginning certain forms of behaviour which impair one’s own interests and needs arouse negative feelings, such as irritation, frustration or anger.

This gives rise to the question: Why has this happened? Who is responsible for this? Who is to blame? The answer: The others. The reason is the one-sided, distorted perception which develops in conflict situations.

People tend to gladly share their perceptions and feelings with others. They also look out for  allies who confirm their view of things and enforce them. So people often tend to talk about others rather than to talk with others. Groups and cliques arise. So the conflict spreads. That is what is called ‘social infection’.

The rise of cliques confirms your own perception. So you are less able to put yourself into the other one’s position, to understand (or want to understand) his motives and interests. So this ends in a loss of sympathetic understanding, respectively empathy.

The intensification again increases the negative feelings, which then again increases the distortion of perception etc.

What can I do to avoid conflict escalation?

The good thing about it is: the sooner the conflict is recognized and touched upon, the easier it is to break this vicious circle.

What are your experiences with conflicts within the team? How did you, in the past, manage to break the vicious circle of conflict escalation?

In my next blog entry you can learn more about how to address the conflicts in a constructive manner.

The transition from colleague to manager is not always easy

Often the initial enthusiasm and joy accompanying the new leadership role are spoiled through difficulties which accompany the role change from former colleague to senior staff. You may have worked together for several years on the same level with your present colleagues. Your colleagues may even know you from the time when you were still a simple trainee in the company. Moreover your colleagues may be evidently older than you yourself.

It is not surprising that this change of roles may result in doubts if your former colleagues accept you and take you seriously as top executive. But how can your colleagues take you seriously in your role, if you yourself are tortured by these doubts?

Three questions that help you to get at ease with your new role

The following three questions can help you find your way into your new role more quickly and also help you to be accepted in it by your former colleagues:

• What are the reasons that led to my promotion into the leadership role instead of my colleagues? – Become aware of your strengths in order to strengthen your self-confidence. Clearly address in a clarifying discussion potential negative feelings of your colleagues such as envy and doubts.
• How do I want to live my leadership role? – In this regard think about what you yourself would wish from a good new executive. Which tasks and modes of behaviour would you like to keep compared to your role as a co-worker so far, and which ones would you like to leave behind you and which new ones would you like to adopt? – Also explain to your colleagues how you will live your new role and what will be the advantages for your department and the colleagues.
• What are the advantages of my long-standing knowledge of the company and of my colleagues? – This is a point that is often missed. For is it not in various ways easier if your colleagues already know and estimate you as an expert and if you have good knowledge of the company structures and processes and have already built up confidence? – Also as an external applicant it is often not easy to achieve acceptance in the new role.

Make use of the transition into the new role in order to make yourself aware of your strengths and to make use of them for the new challenge ahead.

Yesterday it was a pleasure for me to meet a former professional tennis trainer; this meeting made me realize a few exciting analogies between the trainig of top athletes and the leadership work in companies, which I would like to share with you.

How does the top athlete achieve his result?

• The top athlete has a good coach.
• The training plan must be adjusted to the particular athlete. What is the individually best training rhythm? When does an athlete need breaks (… for the greatest development happens in the breaks …)? For how long? Which times of the day are best suitable for which training work (… e.g. technique exercises rather in the morning, since they demand highest concentration …)?
• The athlete lets himself be inspired and carried away by his trainer.
• The athlete knows that his trainer keeps up and strengthens his motivation (… and every sportsman or –woman is motivated by different things…).
• The trainer adopts his style of communication to his sportsman or –woman to achieve the best possible result. Direct criticism may result in stimulus in some of them, in others it may be experienced as hampering and may result in deterioration of achievement.

My experience tells me that these factors are identical with the skills of a successful leader. What are your experiences? How do you lead your team members to achieve top results?

But how can I, as an executive, give my co-workers the feedback so that they can also accept it? – The following general rules help to formulate professional feedback and to take it adequately.

Giving feedback:

• Describe your own perception instead of assessing the other one
• Stay concrete. Avoid generalisations such as ‘You are always late’. Describe concrete situations and concrete observed behaviour instead.
• Always also report positive aspects in general feedback talks.
• Directly address the feedbak-taker instead of giving something as feedback that you have heard from somebody else.

Taking feedback:

• Just listen, do not justify yourself. In this way you take feedback as the chance that it is – that is      to discover your own blind spots and so to get the chance of advancing yourself.
• Let what has been said have an impression on you, sort it out later. Of course every feedback is always just a personal impression, and different people will perceive your behaviour differently. Decide afterwards which feedback was a help for you and what you would like to change in your behaviour.

Many executives feel torn in their position as buffer between employees and top management. The employees expect their superior to fully support them in top management. If ideas and demands coming from the ranks of employees are not realized they result in discontent and annoyance. At the same time the top management has clear-cut ideas and aims and expects the executive to realize these for them and with the employees. If views differ, the superior acts as buffer between top management and employees. He or she tries to mediate and to please both sides. At the same time he or she perceives the discontent on both sides, as neither of the parties is fully satisfied. How can I, as an executive, better react from the sandwich position?

It is often helpful to look for analogies from other fields of life to make a step further in the direction of a solution. As a mother many aspects of the situation described above remind me of the challenges wanting to perform the different roles as mother, working woman and wife to everybody’s full content. Is that possible? Can I please my children, my employer and my husband 100%?

Looked at it from outside one soon realizes that it is essential for one’s own contentment to become fully aware of one’s own role(s) and also to make a realistic assessment of one’s own possibilities. How do I use my time most efficiently? What would I like to achieve? What do I personally consider to be important? Of what avail is the splitting up of my attention and time? With what degree of contentment of the parties concerned can I live and what must not happen in any case? How do I communicate my position most effectively?

What can I do not to feel trapped in the sandwich position?

The same questions can also help executives to feel more at ease in their different roles as superior, employee and colleague and to improve their own position. One’s own clear positioning, open and regular communication and reflection of the aims and also limits of one’s own role create clarity. Their own satisfaction is augmented, they have taken an important step to be perceived by employees and top management as a strong leading personality who knows what he/she wants.